Surrogates

(This is a photo of my mom's ventriloquist puppet, who had surely seen better days, but who I thought went along with the theme of this post.)

I recently watched the movie, "Surrogates", starring Bruce Willis, that is a fairly new release on DVD. Despite the fact that I fell asleep during the climax (not because it was boring - I was just REALLY tired) and only woke up to watch the last 5 minutes in confusion because of what I missed, I thought it was a very interesting movie because of the intriguing ideas it presented.

The premise is that in the future, most humans have a "surrogate" of themselves created that they can control with their minds as they sit in a high-tech recliner at home. The beautiful human surrogates can't get sick or feel pain and can interact "safely" in the world, while the real human remains "safely" at home. I have to admit, there was a certain appeal to creating the most attractive person you can think of to be you to the world. But the trade off was not worth it. The interactions between the surrogates weren't real. What the humans gave up for the physical and emotional "safety" their doubles gave them was far too precious.

I have been thinking about this futuristic type of idea, and I began to realize that in our day of technology, we are, in a way, communicating with others with our own "surrogates". Blogs, facebook, texting, online dating sites, and email have become the face of our communication with each other. Don't get me wrong, I love that we are able to communicate with friends and family who are far away or lost to the years. And I will continue to use this means of communication because that is the age we are living in. But technological communication can never have the validity and feeling of connection that authentic face to face communication has. (Think about it - a real-live hug means so much more than an email with XOXOXO typed on it.) A person can put up any kind of a "front" they want to over the internet. It is difficult to really know anyone if you don't have, or haven't had a real personal relationship with them. As a therapist friend of mine said "we fill in the gaps with our own ideas of what the other person is like and what their motives are". We infer what we want to infer.

I was at a fireside on Sunday where Dr. Lynn Scoresby spoke about this very topic. He talked about how we have become an emotionally distant generation, because of our fears. When we are afraid, we feel vulnerable and transparent, so we react by protecting ourselves. This may cause us to refrain from creating emotionally intimate attachments with others.

So I am going to try to do what he suggested to remedy this state. Allow love to cast out fear. Be more present in my relationships with others. Stay focused on the person I am with at the time - whether in person, on the phone, or online. Be kind and warm toward others and be willing to reveal things about myself. Ask others about their experiences. In short, try not to hide behind a surrogate.

And, yes, I realize the irony of airing my thoughts about this subject on my "blog surrogate". But we use the tools we have, I guess.