Hurt or Heal?

I have been doing a lot of studying so far this summer... sometimes more than I want to.... but I have been learning some incredible things! I am going to be a better teacher and even a better person, I think, from these experiences. 


One of the things I am doing is taking 4 online courses. Each course has an assigned text on a certain topic that everyone in the class reads, a chapter at a time, writes a response to, then posts online. Online commenting and discussion groups are ongoing for all the topics. Sort of like a blog that everyone can contribute to. Anyway, one of my classes is based on the book "The Highly Engaged Classroom" by Robert Marzano & Debra Pickering, and after reading the first chapter tonight, I am already totally hooked. I've written my post about it on the discussion group, so my purpose here is not to review what I read. Instead, it is prompted by one of the other members of the class who posted a quote that has made me stop and evaluate how I interact with the people in my life. Here is the quote, by Hiam G. Ginott, who was a school teacher in Israel, a child psychologist and psychotherapist:


“I've come to the frightening conclusion that I am the decisive element in the classroom. It's my daily mood that makes the weather. As a teacher, I possess a tremendous power to make a child's life miserable or joyous. I can be a tool of torture or an instrument of inspiration. I can humiliate or humor, hurt or heal. In all situations, it is my response that decides whether a crisis will be escalated or de-escalated and a child humanized or de-humanized.”

 I feel that this is true. Unfortunately though it is, sometimes, for my students, as my mood is not always sunny with a few fluffy white clouds. But I feel that this idea has wider application, too. We all can be the decisive element in a relationship with a family member or friend, in a family or group dynamic, and really, with anyone we come in contact with. It is an awesome responsibility. But we can make a difference in many of the situations of life that we are faced with, by how we respond. We can be the one who takes our tremendous power and uses it as a tool for optimism and inspiration. We can make a situation worse or hurt someone we love, or we can bring a healing power. I want to be more aware of my influence on those around me, and use it for good.

Still Sixteen

I have a secret. There is a sixteen-year-old inside of me. She IS me - a big part of me. I have her insecurities and immaturity - I wish I had her energy. This is her:

Sometimes I wonder if I will ever feel like "a grown-up". Sure, I can act like a grown-up. I can take care of nieces and nephews and be responsible for keeping 30 elementary school aged kids in line and safe all day long. I can play the part of a relief society president or sunday school teacher. I may even look like a grownup most of the time. But it's all an act.

My current church calling, a Young Women leader, is one of the most difficult church callings I've ever had. I'm supposed to be the leader, but I feel like one of the girls. I'm supposed to set a good example and hang out with their moms, but I have nothing in common with their moms. I watch the same TV shows the girls watch, wear the same kinds of clothes, and still talk about dating and cute "boys". I giggle with my friends and go to midnight shows the opening day of a movie I am excited for. I am caught between two worlds - the world of adults and the world of teenagers. And I guess I don't really feel like I fit into either one. I am still trying to find out how to relate to the sixteen and seventeen year olds without blowing my "cover"as an adult. I wonder if I will ever feel or act my age?

Sharing Experiences, Pictures of Moments, and Selflessness

As you all know, "Psych" is one of my favorite all-time TV shows. Today I want to share with you one of my favorite scenes from that show and why I can watch it over and over again.

Setting the scene: Shawn has been in love with Juliet for ages, and she with him, but the timing never works out quite right for them to be together. In this episode, she is dating a very wealthy man who is taking her on vacation. Shawn wants her to be happy, so he doesn't say how much he wishes it were him. He doesn't ask her not to go. He thinks that is what she wants, so he doesn't stand in her way.

I have been thinking about the "themes", if you will, of this clip. If you really care about someone, you sometimes have to "let them go". You give up your own selfish desires and needs so they can be happy. 

I also love what Shawn says about the experiences that you share with people you care about. The moments, rather than the scenery, are the most important things to capture on film, and in our hearts. 

In a couple of days, I will be getting together with 4 women than I absolutely love. The 5 of us, plus one more friend, spent 3 weeks on a European tour together ten years ago. This is our "reunion" - an opportunity to recall all of those precious experiences and moments. Seeing many European countries was a wonderful experience. But what I gained most of all was the memories and relationships I hold onto in my heart. 

Online Dating

Have you ever shopped for something online, say.... on Amazon.com? I love it - with a few clicks you can choose something you'd like to have, pay for it, and it shows up on your doorstep in a few days. The best part is, if it isn't what you'd like, you can send it back. I wish online dating was like that.

We live in a technology-bound world which now includes many sites where you can meet singles. Set up your profile, type in a few criteria, and hundreds of pictures of men (if you are a woman like me), with a few paragraphs (or sentences) to sum up their lives, appear. There is this whole cyper-world out there that allows those of us who never meet single men in our real lives to feel like there are still a few good ones out there. And it gives us a non-threatening way to do some "shopping" (come on, that's all is really is).

I have recently re-entered this crazy world, and, I gotta tell you, it is somewhat strange. But desperation once again forced me to "do what I can" to meet some guys to go out with. I approach this with a grain of salt, tongue-in-cheek, and not a little humor at the situation I find myself in. I think some people take this online dating thing waaay too seriously. Maybe I should "shop" according to my 10 -year-old niece's advice for my search criteria - "make sure you choose someone who doesn't drink". Certainly that would widen the field for me. (:

In my perusing of men's profiles, I have come across some very....shall we say.... interesting.... ones. Through my experience of wading through these, I have created a list of "Don'ts" for anyone who is contemplating writing a profile of their own (esp. men because those are the ones I see, although I'm sure women online say and do some dumb things, too). All of my "Don'ts" on the list come from actual profiles.

For those of you who have done the online dating thing before, I hope you enjoy the memories (and I invite you to cringe along with me). And for those of you who haven't had to venture into these shark-infested waters, count your many blessings.

These all deserve raspberries!

Top 10 Don'ts of an online dating profile (according to me):

1. Don't post a picture of you from 5 or more years ago! Yes, maybe you looked great on your mission, or at your sister's wedding - but honey, I want to see what you look like now. And, besides, when we meet in person, the jig is up anyway...

2. Don't go on a bitter tirade about everything you hate about online dating, women - or really, about ANYTHING. Such a turn off. And, besides, if you hate online dating and women so much - what are you freakin' doing posting a profile on one?!!

3. Don't post pictures of yourself without a shirt on unless you want to let everyone in on your vain personality. Then I guess it's OK. At least we all know about it up front.

4. If you are old enough to be a woman's father or grandfather, or you look old enough to be, for goodness sake, don't send her "flirt messages"!

5. Don't tell all the negative sordid details of your life and/or personality in the "About me" section.

6. Don't create a user name that has anything to do with your ex-wife or how long ago your marriage ended. (ie: "shedumpedme3yrsago" or "ihatemyex")

7. Don't take a self-portrait of your face from a low angle to post as your main picture.  Little tip - no one looks good from that angle! (Oh, yes, and ixnay on the picture of you in a mirror - tacky.) You've got to know at least ONE person who can take a flattering picture of you!

8. In the "About Me" section, don't go on and on.... and on... about what you are looking for in a woman/wife. You are 43 and have never been married - get rid of "The List"!

9. Don't post a picture of yourself with other women. And cutting out the woman with Photoshop is just tacky when everyone can see you have your arm around someone and her hair is still in the shot ....

10. Don't tell everything about you and all the ways you are going to make a woman happy. Less is better - let a woman go out with you and figure some things out on her own. Chances are, you tell her how perfect you are going to be and how you are going to treat her like a queen and her expectations will be so high you'll never measure up in person.

The "Wild West"

Spanish Fork City decided to hold a new weekend festival this year - "Wild West Days". I have been intrigued, wanting to check it out, and luckily it fell on the weekend school ended for me. So, after picking up my two favorite "dates" this afternoon, I moseyed on over to the fairgrounds south of town.

It turned out to be quite entertaining, from the clogging groups and country bands, to the sheep & duck herding and piglet races. Of course, what kind of festive gathering is it without cotton candy, hamburgers, and funnel cakes for sale?

So I give a thumbs up to the idea and hope it continues. Yee haw! (:

Somehow I doubt this is traditional "Old West" vittles...

You can't see the piglets racing in this pictures, but they were sure cute!